Saturday, July 21, 2012

Review: Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare

Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare
My rating: 1 of 5 genies
Genre: Plays, Fiction, Romance, Historical, Tragedy, Drama
Published: January 1, 2004 (First Published, 1595)
Pages: 283
Publisher: Washington Square Press
Source: Purchased
Format: Paperback
Purchase At: or


I was thinking the other day and decided, "Hey! Why don't I write up a review for the world's possibly most effed up play ever. Why not?" So I'm going to. As you can probably tell this will not be eloquently written and in fact, I do not give a flying purple monkey about the romanticism behind the idiocy that went down that one week in Verona, (It all happened in on week!), because this play has bothered me since forever and it isn't about to change now! On with the review!


Over the ages people have swooned and very literally pined over and wished for a love such as Romeo and Juliet's. Schnitzel, most of the books published these days have the same pathetic star-crossed lovers theme to it! It's ridiculous really, what little sadists we are on the inside. Because somehow a stupid,stupid,STUPIDboy killing himself when he finds the woman he loves deadafter grave-digging her out btwis suddenly the ideal fairy-tale, and then that girl waking up to find him dead only to stab herself to death is instant TRUE WUV!


No way is any of that effed up monkey business even intelligent. One, Romeo you were a tool and secondly, Juliet you should have ceased the opportunity to live on! He was totally in it for the sex, I mean he liked that Rosaline chick when he thought he could get his hands on her sex, why not a severely younger girl's? Nah, it makes no difference right? Right?

I declare B.S. It does so make a difference, although I will admit to getting the whole 'back then they didn't care about age' argument. Granted they didn't, but within a week you cannot fall in love and then be willing to die for that love, that is straight up whacked. Try telling me that is rational and I will deliver personally the flying monkey fist to your face, because it isn't. That kind of relationship is not love, it's obsessive, creepily and utterly obsessive .

And you know what? This may even be a little hypocritical of me, since I was all team Dimitri and I accept that, but at least Rose wasn't 13!

Some theories I believe in:

- Friar Lawrence was the mastermind behind it all! If he had slapped on an extra donkey to that letter, the plan would have reached at least a day early. It's called express mail, sucker!


- Both Romeo and Juliet really had no lives, I mean I meet a guy I like within a week and things are great, but for some reason I end up playing dead medieval princesses in my house and he comes over, sees me 'dead', and then proceeds to kill himself? I'd be glad, because the guy is a whole new level of messed. WHO DOES THAT?? Apparently Romeo and Juliet. Frick, what happened to being self-dependent, it seems that even in the fifteenth century it did not exist. Who can blame Bella for going off the deep end? There wasn't much too look up to anyway.

And one thing I never could get:

Romeo: HOW ABOUT YOU WAIT UNTIL SHE'S REALLY DEAD?! He must have been really thirsty, took him no time at all to gobble up that poison. I mean ever heard of water, or Rum, bud?

Juliet this should have been you:

That guy was finally gone, why did we not party? I would have liked a party.

I will never love this play. The timeline is ridiculous and the emotions too rash to ever be realistic. Shakespeare I love you and believe you are a genius, but this is one piece of yours I will never like.

1/5 genies: This reflects nothing on our relationship, Shakespeare, and you and I are still very much in love. Unfortunately, R&J was far from being a winner in my book!

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