Review: Hourglass by Myra McEntire

Hourglass by Myra McEntire
My rating: .5 of 5 genies
Published: June 14, 2011
Publisher: Egmont USA
Pages: 387
Source: Library Loan
Format: Hardcover
Purchase At: The BookDepository.com or Amazon.com

Goodreads Summary  

One hour to rewrite the past . . . 
For seventeen-year-old Emerson Cole, life is about seeing what isn't there: swooning Southern Belles; soldiers long forgotten; a haunting jazz trio that vanishes in an instant. Plagued by phantoms since her parents' death, she just wants the apparitions to stop so she can be normal. She's tried everything, but the visions keep coming back. So when her well-meaning brother brings in a consultant from a secretive organization called the Hourglass, Emerson's willing to try one last cure. But meeting Michael Weaver may not only change her future, it may change her past.
Who is this dark, mysterious, sympathetic guy, barely older than Emerson herself, who seems to believe every crazy word she says? Why does an electric charge seem to run through the room whenever he's around? And why is he so insistent that he needs her help to prevent a death that never should have happened?

WARNING: This review will not be coherent and most definitely a rage as I am pissed. That is all.

Emerson: A short poem I have composed and to be sung to the tune of ‘Georie Peorgie,’ the first half and at the second half, to ‘Humpty Dumpty’ lies below. The rest of the verse is purely improvised. Mostly.

“Emerson, Emerson, barely foot five
Tried to be spunky and made the kids cry
She terrorized the readers and made them beg, “Emerson, be gone, fowl beast! Stay away!”
Until one day she fell was pushed off the Great Wall of China
And all the King’s horses and all the King’s men…Wait, who was Emerson again?
I can’t hear you over the party.”


Meaning the party for my completion of this novel. Who wouldda thunk I'd finish?

Rating: .5 genies

As you might have gathered, Emerson is a very special person. Throughout the novel this is all I got: 'OOOH… Emerson is so athletic, Emerson is so gorgeous, Emerson is so thoughtful...' Emerson is so freaking perfect. Get me a hand gun, I wanna hunt her down. How I hate Emerson! I never did understand when people raged about Bella, nor had issues with her because at the time I read Twilight I hadn’t yet found a problem with the essentially 'perfect' heroine who gets love, money and everything she wants in the end.

Until I met the pygmy ninja that is Emerson Cole.

Someone please explain to me exactly how that is even possible? Or how the girl can be everything McEntire intends for her to be? She is snarky, but not too snarky, gorgeous, but obliviously unaware of it even when others persist in gushing over her like she’s some prized turkey. The girl is 'damaged' because the death of her parents provides that opening for empathysympathy my footand Emerson is somehow thoughtful as welleven though she does as she wishes regardless of people's warnings or opinions a good 99% of the time. I don't know about you lot, but I demand some credibility!

Characters are not genetic engineered people you can put together, McEntire, they aren’t dollies to be assembled into perfect Bella Swan or Nora Grey wannabes. It never works out well when authors attempt to make their characters essentially perfect, this book being a very apt example of how quickly things can go wrong.

Stuff hits the roof when by halfway into the book, a reader despises most of your characters. There is something very wrong with the animosity I feel for this girl, possibly because I was made to suffer through days in her life for approximately 390 pages.

This is a brief summary of my journey with the book. Notice how quickly my patience diminishes:

Page 1: AW YEAH, new book! New book!
Page 50: Is it just me…or is Emerson annoying as that creepy Fellow Orange down on YouTube land? No, maybe more.
Page 130: Am I done yet?
Page 250: *Rolls eyes at everything*
Page 300: Fires flamethrower, about to aim…
Page 390: Very tempted to gag on book, wondering if I can use the pages as kindling. Must ask library. Winter is coming early this year…

This girl grated on my nerves worse than a freaking Woodpecker on an oak tree. It was all about her and by the end I stopped caring about Emerson and Michael, they could both go jump off a cliff together for all I cared. They were excrutiatingly annoying; the fact that they only ended up together because of attractiveness, and some very big problem in the way neurons in their bodies perceived contact, played a massive role in why I do not give a buck what they do!

Because it was so obvious from the beginning that they would end up together.

It practically screamed at me in the face that Michael and Emerson would be a couple. Even when they had no real chemistry past lightning touch and she was running after him dressed like a hooker. By the way, what was that? It was as if a sudden breach in character happened - the change I'd been praying for since chapters occurring - but not for the good. So what? Emerson has the balls to chase after a guy dressed promiscuously. I do not care! Most of the book was useless information for mescratch that, maybe all of it and the sole reason this novel even got a half genie is Dru.

Dru who selflessly cared for her sister-in-law, Dru who had so much potential as a character. Dru who was so terribly out-staged by Emerson, and mind you, I do not care that she is the protagonist! The romance sucked, the characters so cliched I hardly knew what to do with myself. It was as if McEntire held a sharpie to Twilight and the first half of Breaking Dawn, slashed out all the original character's names and substituted her own with a twist.

Was the scientific aspect interesting? Barely. Before it could ever get in-depth or explained, Emerson would be there to somehow spotlight the attention back to her Michael woes. It is safe to also say that as a collective they were all selfish. After Michael's sacrifice, Kaleb and his dad do not have even the respect to feel bad - they continue on with their life as if he owed them the act. I mean, What the Eff, Man! Not that the two (Kaleb and Michael) ever related as friends in my opinion.

Behind Kaleb's back, Michael would bad-mouth him to Emerson and behind Michael's back, Kaleb made moves on that same girl! Three words gentlemen: Bros before Hoes. That there is grade school knowledge. All their shared history took an enormous backseat to this girl and they forgot all they had been through together! How is that right??

This is precisely why some women should never pen fiction. A real guy and his B.F. would not sacrifice their relationship for some chick! I positively hated the pedestal everyone gave little Miss Emerson, as if she was some Deity! So frustrating. Especially since I never respected her as a character, I could never relate or sympathize, and at first I did feel bad, but then I stopped caring altogether.

Everything irritated me. How she found a connection to Kaleb after knowing him for no more than 5 minutes irritated me. How the world revolves around her far-fetched infatuation with Michael killed me. She tried so hard to make it seem sexy. So very, very hard! And failed.

Failed so hard.

Did I forget to mention?[That the pathetic attempt at making their 'love' seem star-crossed, forbidden and even impossible was so lame.? Yeah, it was. (hide spoiler)]

And you know what? Screw it all! This book deserves a review almost as much as Emerson warranted my time. I'm out!

But before I leave...

IMMA FIRIN' MAH GUN!



And one for the Little Emerson as well? Certainly.

.5/5 genies: I wouldn't recommend this book, to ANYONE. Unless you liked Twilight, then go for it.